I know nothing in this photo is actually in focus, but isn't that face such a doll. When I had our first child, I was totally unprepared in how difficult, how tiring, and how wacky I'd mentally be in the beginning of being a mother. It took six months before I started falling into the groove. With the second, I felt like the expert. The third I started panicking again and fell into a bit of a life blur up until the fourth, which has now made me feel totally and fully committed in every moment of the day to being a mother. Life is hopping, there is way too much multi-tasking going on and not enough lazying about.
Maeleya -sweet little girl- is not as easy of a baby as I had hoped. At two weeks we hit a nursing issue, and the little girl was losing weight. You would think nursing three previous kids each for a year would make me the master... but every babe is different. You should never in passing ask a new mom how she is doing, as my neighbor (and friend) found out with me. One question was all it took for me to start crying in front of her -embarrassing- and when I tried to joke it off, squeaks came out instead of words and all I could do was let the tears roll. I thought I got things back in control, but the pediatrician has made me feel like I should offer a bottle after each feeding. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME THAT TAKES TO DO BOTH? Yikes, but I feel like I should still nurse and make it work.
Maeleya is a very good baby...in arms. Don't think about a car seat, she wails the whole time we drive anywhere. I borrowed one of those pricey swings that can move two different directions looking for a miracle, but she gets a look of abandonment when we put her in there, and doesn't last more than ten minutes. Nights have been rough as well the last couple of months, and I feel like if she's waking up she must be hungry because she's not gaining a lot of weight, so we feed and feed and feed her through the night.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to cue the weeping violin in the background. I LOVE being a mom, challenges and all. Just writing this for all those other moms (ok, well maybe the two or three who read this) who feel like things are tough- there are many of us out there who need monthly cries. And I'm all for seeing a few more blog posts showcasing messy homes and mismatched children instead of mother/daughter matching ruffled aprons that also coordinate with the drapes in an immaculate kitchen filled with an array of desserts package in fancy wrappings ready to hand out to neighbors. Not that I don't like reading those posts, but I also like to know that really we all have our struggles.
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